Conviction

This is a rough season for me in the sense that it is busy busy like I’m sure most of you and as a result, there is little time for blogging. 😦 This season in our home is focused around God. We set our eyes upon the gift that was given to us. (we have 3 different advent calendars to help us do that 🙂 ) We spend time together as a family, we celebrate the birth of our first born (he is going to be 2 next week!) We spend lots and lots of time on good good things. This i hope to find some time to share with you in the next week or so. But today i wanted to share with you a devotion that I have been reading. If you have followed me for any time you know that I am slowly making my way through Debi Pearl’s Created to be his help meet. It’s a great book!!! I highly recommend to any married woman and if you or your daughters aren’t married yet check out Preparing to be a help meet. I personally have not read it but if the former is any indication I’m sure it will be excellent!

The chapter that I am currently on is about Wisdom. It starts with a story of a wife who disagrees with her husband over a small topic. (small in the sense that it doesn’t threaten anyone’s lives its just a disagreement about an everyday topic) Anyway the Mrs. Pearl after sharing the young wives letter goes on to respond to the letter, and her response floored me. As she described my biggest fear….”Just imagine what it would be like if your husband just disappeared one day……….long lonely nights and days of toil at a job away from the children. ……..The young children will cry when you leave for work and the older children will be glad to see you go so they can exercise their new-found liberties. The car has a problem with it, but you can’t take a day off to get it fixed. Money is in short supply. You discover that he social circle for a divorce woman with kids is rather small…… flu…. no baby-sitter….. risk job….. little to no child support………..” and it goes on. This picture just rocked me, I pictured my own life growing up what it was like with a single mom, how much work it was for her; she did a great job a great great job, but still so much work!!! Because of her I have always thought that I could do it if I had to, that I am strong enough, brave enough, smart enough, creative enough. I even sometimes fool myself to thinking my life would look just the way it does now, but that is silly I know. But I believe it for some reason I believe that all this things would be true for me without my husband here, as Mrs. Pearl goes onto to describe it I am one of a generation that is independent, in charge and stressed. to be honest I don’t have to be that way, nor do I want to be I have a husband whom I love and who is here to help. I like knowing that If God forbid something happened to my husband I am capable but I choose to partner with my husband.

But my conviction didn’t stop here it went out as I tearfully continued to read through the chapter. There was a letter for a woman who is on the other side, who is divorced and raised kids as a single mom. Her letter was a reflection of what she could have different. There were 12 different things, small things but yet big things! I read through each of them each one so convicting, but one, one in particular ate at me.  It reads… “When he tried to make up to me for some failure, I wish I had not been so cool, waiting for him to “suffer” a little more and be more intense and sincere about this apology. Oh yes this struck home. I am guilty of this, I get caught up in my own self my own hurt to accept the apology. Just one small thing that can slowly eat away at my marriage. One small thing that can I can, should, and am going to change!

Oh this book, this very convicting book. Really every chapter has just convicted me on the role of a biblical wife. Convicted me on the wife I desire to be.

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