Be warned this is not at all thought out structured or organized in anyway shape or form. This is merely the ramblings of my brain trying to get thoughts out of it and onto something else.
i have a 25% of placenta Acreta something i knew really nothing of until about a week ago. Its not something ever mentioned when he hear the negatives of c-sections so really this all came out of left field less then a week ago and i’m trying to wrap my head around it.
ok so basically from square one with this pregnancy i have had anxiety. I think that’s normal, most moms have some form of anxiety. With Levi i kept saying he was breach and he was. But with this kid i could not put my finger on what the anxiety was. I kept saying watch i’m gonna be the less then 1% of woman that has placental abruption. although i am pretty certain that was me just trying to make light of an unknown anxiety. I’ve wondered a ton if this is last baby? Its not! we have every intention of more even if we have to adopt. but the thought still passed through my brain if this was the last or atleast if this was the last one i’d carry. I’ve wondered lots of things all of which i have laughed at. oh the best one (best for lack of a better word) was that #1’s birthday is 12/13 and #2’s is 4/5 (notice the pattern the # of the day is the # after the month); really unless you think analyticaly/mathmaticaly like i tend to do this means nothing but to me its a pattern and patterns continue. So that’s means since my baby’s cook fast this baby would be 9/10 only that puts me at 36 weeks 4 days, and for those of you who don’t know that makes me 3 days premature. Ok so lots of laughable anxiety with no pin point which only leaves me waiting for someting bad right?
Well that brings us up to my doctors apt when i was sick. the lovely OB says wow your placenta is nice and big and smack in the front (not the top as we previously had thought). I didn’t think much of it until last week when i went to follow-up with my midwife and i realized wait my scar is in the front, what does that mean, is it a risk? come to find it is called Placenta Accreta…. which means the placenta has implanted itself into the scar tissue. But she say’s don’t worry don’t even think about it until after your ultrasound in 2 weeks after that we will go from there and if it is on the scar at all we will do a second ultrasound closer to 30 weeks to determine how severe it is. So i left again not to worried.
I emailed my small group to pray its far away from my scar and as i do so i realize wait i have heard of this, back in april (about a week before the ultrasound) my cousin sent me an article about a woman who died from this! great so now my email is about how its life threatning and i realize this is serious stuff and its looking like i have it!!! I mean really my uterus is not that big people i’m not that far along so big and smack center my odds are high!!! the next day i cam to my senses i realize i’m not gonna die they can do a D&C after delivery and remove the placenta tissue that is implanted itself. they do it all the time with placenta fragmentation. til i realize wait i am at risk for a hysterctomy.
ok so 2 days go by i finally get alone time with my husband and i tell him about this anxiety i was having and how i think this is what the unknown was, that now i have a face to a name so to speak. and then i tell him how i don’t believe in chance and how everything happens for a reason. and when you read an article that is random or hear a verse or song that a lot of times that is God preparing you for something. (this has been the pattern in my life) anyway so i point out the article and i realize it was God preparing me that this is a possability for me.
I do lots of resarch and find out the treatment for this is not a D&C but is infact hsytercotmy but that a c-section can sometimes save the uterus but its rare.
AHHHH so i talk with my small group we all pray. I share that i have accepted my fate of a second c-section depsite my being anti them, i’m not willing to take the VBAC risk if there is a greater chance of saving my uterus via c-section, I cry that at how small of hope that c-section really is to save my uterus.
Then that’s where Satan comes in and reminds me of my little birthdate patten, where baby #3 is premature (which is pretty much a guarantee with placenta accreta) So let’s just say that’s where my brain is trying to ignore all those little things that confirm the diagnosis and hold out hope that God will honor my love for being a mom and my passion for childbirth. But then again i realize my carrying and birthing my only kids isn’t the only way to do those things, and maybe God has another plan for me because my heart in this area is so strong!
Either way whatever the end result is i’m learning a lesson in trusting him, but seriously God havn’t i learned that enough the last couple years!!!!
Ok i warned you my brain spinning with no real thread to follow!!!